Let's face it, your dad married a crazy named Stevie Lix. She's a hippy-dippy New Ager who believes in all sorts of crazy shit. And since the day she moved in, she's also practiced "nude yoga", walked around the house nude, and talks about all things Tantric. She also eyeballs the shit outta you, even when dad's around. So when dad leaves, it's on, and since she's your step-mom, you don't really wanna bang her...but there's nothing wrong with a "handie", cause, after all, handies aren't sex!